Tuesday, May 31, 2011

Peace

Today was a down day for Clara. Those days are to be expected when you have High-Risk stage 4 Neuroblastoma. It makes the good days that much sweeter. Although, she did manage to crack one smile I was able to capture via the phone this morning.


She got sick a couple of times today which was just plain sad. I was hoping she might want to go on a wagon ride or try out the car again, but she wasn't feeling up to anything but rest and sleep.

It is a tender experience to see Clara's peaceful look she has while sleeping. Even as she lays awake in her bed she is content. I imagine she is in a far away place. A happy place where pain and cancer don't exist.

I took this picture tonight right after I got her cleaned up and tucked in bed again. It's hard to see her changing. There are mornings I wake up and hope that this has all been a dream and I can pick up just where I left off. Making breakfast, packing lunches, reading the scriptures as a family, saying family prayer and then sending the boys off to school for the day. I miss Clara asking for "more milk please," getting Kate's dress-up clothes down and helping Baden find his shoes.

Someday, we will return to that routine and beautiful mundane life. Until then, we will fight for Clara's life a day at a time.


 "Cast thy burden upon the Lord, and he shall sustain thee" (Ps. 55:22).

12 comments:

Jodi said...

You truly are an amazing person Natasha. You inspire me. We have been praying for Clara and your family and we hope that Clara can have some more days like Sunday. You have such a sweet family and we think of you often. <3

Ben said...

We missed you and some of your kids yesterday, Natasha. Our family is constantly praying for Clara and the Woodwards, even Will and Michael in NC and Brazil.

Keep up the faith!

The Caspers

Jill said...

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO

Chelsea said...

Love you guys.

Megan said...

That was a beautiful post. It is so moving to hear your love for Clara and the strength and faith your are exhibiting.

LKP said...

i don't want this to sound weird... as lately my emotions have been running high, while my words have been failing to connect outside of my head the way my thoughts connect inside... but, when my family & i entered the chapel this morning behind my grandmother's casket, there in the sparsely filled pews stood your father. i was already teary, but seeing him there pushed me over the edge and i became a complete mess when i sat down. my thoughts were with my family, yet at the same time i was in great awe & respect of your parents. they too have their lives full of fears & concern for their family & you & your sweet clara, yet they still are steadfast in lifting where they stand & mourning with those who mourn. i want to be more like them, tasha. please let me know if there's anything my family or i can do to help lift your family. you are already in our prayers. i just wish i knew how we can lift you guys more.
thanks for the updates here and the darling videos. cling to the mighty example of peace that you have in your precious little clara. she is a tender mercy in & of herself. ::biggest hugs::
-keely

Alicia said...

Oh, Natasha. I'm not a crier but reading about your ordeal this last week has brought me to tears many times. As a mother, I feel your pain and anguish at seeing your baby suffer, knowing it's only a fraction of what you're feeling. I can't even imagine how hard it is for you to watch. I am so, so sorry. I wish I had the exact words you need to hear, knew what to say to give you a modicum of comfort, but all I can think of is that this too shall pass.

Brenda said...

This past week I have thought of you and your family constantly. There is a never ending prayer in my heart for Clara. As a mother I can feel the pain you are feeling, my heart aches for you. I only wish I had something to say that would bring you comfort. But nothing I can say will bring you more comfort than your scriptures and faith. I love you!

tharker said...

I hope it never sounds trite for me to say that I am praying for your beautiful Clara. Because, like so many others, I have a constant prayer in my heart for her and for each of you.

I cannot even imagine what you are going through, but I hope that you are able to feel the palpable strength from the prayers and love of so many.

bigdogdano said...

nastasha, i wish i had answers. as you know, we have been on the path of all you are experiencing and i wish for you, i could take it away. sadly, i cannot. i pray for your little clara. i pray for you to find calm and peace in this trial. when i struggle i think of the Savior and his plight in his last 24 hours of the atonement and his death. then I look to Him as the LIVING Christ! and that lifts me! God bless you. i am sorry you have this challenge. its not easy. love, dan

chenry said...

Natasha, it was so good to see Brian and your children yesterday. I could almost imagine that life was normal for a few moments as they ran around doing the scavenger hunt Staci had planned. They ran and played and danced (Chandler's got moves!)and ate and played some more and life was good. It was a wonderful diversion for them. You and Clara were always on our minds and we missed you. We love you all and have added our prayers to the countless others offered in Clara's behalf. There is hope indeed! God is a God of miracles! Stay strong!

Those People With The Crazy Kids said...

I am totally inspired by you & your sweet little Clara. I am humbled & reminded of the things that are truly important in life. Thank you for sharing her story.