This morning I had an event reminder on my phone: Clara’s Neuroblastoma diagnosis 5:00 am. The emotions and feelings I had 1 year ago have come flooding back to me this week. The anxiety, the uncertainty the TEARS! Those first weeks my prayers were filled with fervent pleadings to my Heavenly Father to take her back to Him and spare her further discomfort and pain if it was His will. I suppose those words come easily to a mother whose heart is breaking watching her 2 year old so sick in a hospital bed. My prayers are now filled with gratitude for her returned health and strength. 365 days ago I couldn’t imagine life for our family being what it is today. We are blessed, abundantly blessed! Clara is our daily reminder of God’s love and grandeur.
And the answer to the question I get all the time: how is Clara? Clara is doing great. She doesn’t stop and especially not for naps which means at the end of the day I’m counting down the minutes till bedtime. She’s the same persistent and determined little girl who raged through chemo, radiation and weeks in the hospital. My favorite thing ever is when she gets up a little too early in the morning and comes in to snuggle up next to me. She wraps her arms around my neck, closes her eyes tight and her trademark cheesy grin spreads across her face. A few minutes later she falls back asleep. I love her sweetness. It definitely makes up for the “what will she wear” battles every day.
We are still cautious, paranoid at times maybe, especially when she manifests symptoms we have been told to watch for which mimic those symptoms that come with an ordinary childhood cold or flu. I don’t know if we will ever stop worrying and wondering. It’s always in the back of our mind that it will come back. We’ve been told it will, but we also know medical research doesn’t have all the answers and sometimes God’s Will defies research. I can’t help but hug and kiss Clara every chance I get. With such a bleak diagnosis just a year ago I didn’t know if she’d live to see her 3rd birthday. We’ve been given the greatest gift, more time with Clara. We hope it is a lifetime!