thankful thoughts.

A couple Sundays ago we were headed out the door for church and Clara proclaimed, "Picture time!" And since it was Clara's idea, they all rallied around the idea and just look how cooperative they all were. It was awesome! 

This picture sums up my thankful heart. Five children, together. Each with their own talents, struggles, triumphs, personalities, and spirited natures that combine to make our home the only place I ever care to be. After months of being separated, this is a blessing I will never take for granted again. All those seemingly mundane and thankless tasks? I am thankful for them. I'd like do nothing more till they aren't around for me to do them anymore. I am thankful to be their mother. I love it! 

And our dear Clara? The one we pray for continually and have so much hope for? She's doing great. Aside from a bit of post-traumatic stress disorder manifested every night with night terrors (when she screams in her sleep things she said in the hospital) she's resumed a relatively normal life. She hasn't had any pain, she is eating perfectly and her mobility is spot on. While we are hoping for a miracle, at the same time we are holding our breath. Waiting for symptoms to appear and give thanks after each day that resumes on as normal for Clara. Thank you for your faith and prayers. They are what kept us all holding on during those months of treatment and helping Clara and us to continue on. We are thankful for you. We are thankful for God. We are thankful for a blessed life.     

Bliss

Brian and I feel our family is living a miracle these past two weeks. All 7 of us are in a blissful, happy state. I think Clara may be the happiest. She is doing so well. It seems she is picking right back where she left off back in May. She is a totally normal 2 year old. And we couldn't be happier about it. There are some minor things she deals with, but nothing that can't be smoothed over by some tender loving care.

The other day I mentioned to Brian that remarkably my mind is not preoccupied with what's next or what the future holds. We agreed this is a blessing. Of course we have moments where we wonder how long this will last, these days of Clara playing and living the 2 year old dream, but we choose not to dwell on that which we have no control over. It is in the Lord's hands. His plan is perfect and His ways are perfect. These trials most definitely have given us much experience and been for our good. We have been greatly blessed. Each day is a gift and we thank God for each new day.

We are happy to be home together.

Chandler and Clara enjoying some carefree playtime today.

Last Saturday while Clara was still inpatient, her oncologist visited with us about the next phase: stem cell transplant. He presented us with two options. Number one: we could enroll her in a clinical trial in which she would be randomly selected for either one transplant or two transplants. Number two: we could opt out of a clinical trial and proceed with the standard of care which is one transplant. You can probably imagine the burden such a decision places on a parent. So we did the only thing we know how to do in time of uncertainty, we made it a matter of fasting and prayer. Meanwhile we read over the literature we had been given, searched the scriptures, and poured over the words of our church leaders. 

By Monday morning Brian and I independently had our answers. We both knew with no amount of uncertainty, Clara was to receive no stem cell transplant. Medically it makes no sense. But we can make no excuse for the answer we have been given. There is a blessed assurance of peace and comfort that has accompanied this decision in knowing it is God's will. But, it is hard. Really, really hard. We pray every day, as we have since May 23rd, for a miracle of healing, but if not, trust in the Lord's plan for her and our family. We have had many tender mercies this past week reminding us of a loving Heavenly Father who is watching over us. We are grateful to know that we can be together forever as a family. Knowing that, well, it makes trials like this, easier to bear. 

Wednesday and Thursday, Clara underwent a barrage of scans and tests. This evening we were given the results of most of them and are encouraged. In comparison to the previous work-up the neuroblastoma cells have greatly decreased in number. Initially she had "spots" in dozens of places within her body, and now the only seemingly active areas are her optic nerve region and the location of her primary tumor in her abdomen. It is possible these sites are actually scar tissue or dead cells, unfortunately there is no way of knowing.

The road ahead is long and uncertain. We will take it as it comes and trust in the Lord to direct us in the decisions we make for Clara. Meanwhile we will savor the time we have together as a family spent at home.